over a year later....

Wow, what a difference a year makes. Lilly is now 6, Nat is almost 4, and we have another little girl, Abby, who is now 5 months old. The last year would have to have been the best and worst of my life I think. The best because I can look back and see many life lessons learnt, and the worst because of all the crap we had to go through to get here. Pre natal depression is something I had never heard of... I thought there was only Post Natal depression, but I can now say with absolute authority that it is real and can be really terrifying. What I thought was a dislike of being pregnant with my first two, blossomed into full blown depression this time, rendering me unable to cope by the last weeks. In fact Matthew had to stay with me whilst I was in the hospital after the c-section as I just couldnt cope with being on my own. How I would have coped without him, my parents or my two closest friends I shudder to even think. It has made me so grateful to have them in my life, and I am now feeling better than I have since before I had Lilly... I will be on meds for about another 18 months, but it is soooo worth it!!
So now we have the count down to Christmas!! Last year was a bit of a non-event- the first Christmas I really havent enjoyed, both because of the depression, and also because too many people were missing from around the table. Jason and Katherine were in England, Uncle Graham never bothers any more, and Aunty Judy, Daniel and Doreen had lunch by themselves with Aunty Judy's now fiance Alan. So really it was just Mum, Dad, Nan, Steve, Chantelle and us. This year, Katherine is still in England (we will miss you though K) but Jason is home (yay!!) and Aunty Judy, Alan and Dan will be joining us too :D Doreen is going away somewhere I think (Aunty Judy's Mother for anyone who might be wondering) I have been madly crafting again, with the reappearance of my crafting mojo (finally!) as well as sewing up a storm. I am also regaining my spiritual focus and am learning more about reducing my footprint on our Earth... I am hoping to find a balance between lifestyle, health, finances and sustainability in my home within the next five years...
Well thats a bit of a quick overview... just to find where I am at right now. Sort of a bridge if you like, between the old posts and the new. On Monday I will update with some pics of what I have been making, and more about my plan to simplify our lives :)

2 more sleeps!!!!

Woohoo, only 2 more sleeps til I fly out to Sydney for the Lsbs Scrapbook Retreat!! I can hardly believe it, and am soooo excited! So far I have packed the essentials, that is, my scrap stuff, my pjs and some chocolate... now I just have to work out what else I need to take :)Matthew is a bit nervous about having them all weekend, but I think he will be fine... after all, I have heaps of food in the freezer for him and am going to hire some new DVDs for them, lol. He knows he has it good, but it will be good for him to see first hand what it is like to have them 24/7!

Lilly's party went well, all the kids were well behaved and it only took me a few hours to clean up :D They all seemed to have a good time too, and Lilly is already planning next years party, LOL. The next day, on the Sunday, Lilly's best friend Melissa had her party at MacDonalds, which both our girls were invited too, again, everyone was well behaved, and much fun was had by all... a great weekend for the birthday girls :D My brother Steve's birthday was yesterday and then Matthews is next week... then it is Christmas countdown....YAY!! I have loads of plans this year, my family are having their get together at our place, so I get to go a little crazy :D

Well, I am off to feed the hungry hoards and do some more packing :D

Happy Birthday Lilly!!!

Well, my crazy beautiful Angel-Girl turns 5 today. This time 5 years ago I was just being told that they werent going to let me go into labour, that I was having my baby TODAY, almost 6 weeks before her due date. I was so terrified, not knowing how this would effect her. I had to ring Matthew to come straight away so he could also hear what the DRs had to say, but as he wasnt driving it took some time to get there. So at 2.30pm that afternoon we went into theatre for a C-section... after trying for 20 mins to get the spinal thingy in, they finally knocked me out and Lilly was born. Matthew was waiting in one room, and the rest of the family were in another I think. Aparently when I woke up I saw her, but I dont remember. All I remember is waking up, not really able to talk and being told that I had a baby girl, who was doing fine. Lilly was sent to the Neonatal unit, and while I couldnt keep my eyes open, I was quite aware of what was going on around me as I taken back to my room. Mum and Dad, Matthew and Fran and Bryan were there and then they all went out to celebrate thinking I was sleeping. It was actually almost a full 24 hours before I saw Lilly... and I couldnt hold her as she was in one of those little boxes. My first cuddle came when she was 48 hours old. I think I was in shock really, and I know Matthew was.... not the best of beginnings, but she has absolutely thrived. No one would ever guess by looking at her now, so tall, confident and clever that she had had such a start in life :D

I still bawl my eyes out when I think back to those weeks in hospital, how worried and lonely I felt and often wonder if that is why Lilly and I have the issues that we do, I wish we had had the chance to be together in those first days to bond.

The last five years have just flown past and I am so proud of her. She is so independent and lives in her own little world where Lions eat yellow chocolate and anything that isnt yellow can easily pretend to be, lol. School starts next term, and Lilly is so ready to go, her kindy teachers constantly tell me how smart she is, how quickly she picks up new concepts and what a joy she is to have in the classroom. She is creative and quite a character, and I am looking forward to the next five years as she goes from being my preschooler to being a school girl, seeing her bloom.

Almost Party Time!

We are on the daily count down now, Lilly turns the big 5 on Wednesday, lol. Thankfully she has no concept of hours, minutes and seconds or I am sure we would be calculating those too :D

Matthew and I went to a parenting seminar day on Saturday and learnt lots of great things. Not really any new information, just how to put it into practise, and I have to say I haven't had to deal with a "meltdown" since... yay!!! Matthew is still having a few issues when he forgets, but nothing big. I cant say what a relief it is to finally be getting our sweet girls back instead of the insane bunta ones that have been trying to move in, lol!!!

I have finished my Lifeline training and am now an Apprentice Telephone Counsellor. So far I have done 4 supervised shifts on the phone, with only 1 more to do before I can do it on my own. It is quite nervewracking until the call starts and then I seem to find my "feet" and find it a bit easier. A large percentage of calls I have taken are from mental health sufferers, just needing someone to talk to. Each week we check the board to see which nuisance calls have been calling in a lot so we know which ones to cut short, I got one for my first call who presented as a suicide call... you can imagine the state of my heartbeat... but later turned out to be a mental health caller who just knew how to get attention so we wouldnt cut him off!!! Freaked me out a bit, but all in all I enjoy my shifts and am looking forward to continuing.

now for some pics... I thought I would add the ones of Matthews judo competition, where he got to practice his falling :D I was so proud of him for giving it a go, unfortunately the only other guys in his weight range are black belts, while he is a yellow... they had to work for their win though, and were both really impressed with him :D

Sick of being sick!!!

Well, for the last month and a half we have been battling one thing after the other, with lovely illnesses ranging from gastro to colds. And I am so over it all!!! As I type this, Matthew is sitting watching Dora with Natalie waiting for the locum doctor to come out and look at the infected spots on her lip from an accident she had this morning at the playground.. while he is here he can look at her poor swollen eyes from the severe conjunctivitis. *sigh* In the background I can hear Lilly hacking up a lung too, and somehow, even though it is only 10.45pm, I know I am not going to be getting any sleep tonight.... again!

Cyber crop weekend :)

Some of the challenges set for the cybercrop weekend, mine and the yellow one Lilly did for the Kids challenge... the bottom left shows yellow chocolate, the flower in the top right is to match the one she cut out of patterned paper, and the 2 spirals are there because they symbolise forever and thats how long they will be sisters... too cute, lol.

The cards I did for Bella and Daniella's birthdays, using a sketch from Little Scrap Book shop... as all the challenges are from. Fun in the Mud was also a sketch challenge, and then the last too are the cover and then two of the pages for an album. I have never worked in 6x 12 before, and it has been a great challenge. I didnt get to do all 6 pages, but they are certainly on my to do list over the next few weeks!!

I probably would have accomplished more if we hadnt been struck down my a particularly nasty bout of gastro... started last Thursday, and Matthew and Nat are still poorly... really nasty stuff. The cold wet weather has been a part of the problem too, as we have had trouble keeping up with the washing of towels etc. Thanks to my mum for running us over some this morning and taking ours home to put in her dryer. Dont know what I would do without her!!! :) The funny thing is, we will had 2 days of illness, 2 days off and then now sick again...?? Oh well, tomorrow is another day, hopefully one of the healthy ones!!!

Speaking of tomorrow, I am off to the city for a whole day training for my Lifeline course. Being sick over the weekend meant that I missed the Saturday session with Lynn, and now have to go on my own... I know it will be interesting though, and if I dont go I cant complete the course this time, as it is one of the mandatory sessions. Anyway, I am off to try and complete more album pages before the midnight deadline... :)

ball crawl

On Sunday I took the girls to the play cafe with Lynn and Stephanie, for three hours the girls went nuts as Lynn and I tried to read, lol :) I love seeing them have fun! Matthew was at home on day 2 of his computer weekend... he and his friend (also Matthew, lol) spent two days playing a text based MUD and had great fun while I single handedly wrangled the girls... my prize?.. a whole weekend in Sydney in August for a scrapping retreat with the Little Scrapbook Shop girls :) Yay!! as Helen would say I'M EXCITED!! lol :)

I have given up the pepsi max again, and while I still have a headache and the craving for one, I feel more positive than I have in months... I had a great day yesterday, with my new friend Sam, sitting making cards and chatting, and am just feeling happy again for the first time in ages. The tides are turning.